The Finer Things In Life... Whoring, Drinking, Smoking, and Art School...

Whoring

Why is it that everyone's advise is to go out and fuck the pain away? That's just not me. I can't do it and I won't do it. It's funny, whenever a relationship ends I become gold. When things are normal and I'm emotionally stable I'm horrible at meeting women. After a breakup however, I can do no wrong. I can have my pick. As things were getting near the end (and now as well when they are over) I was getting offers from girls way out of my league. Of course, I turned them all down without hesitation and I will continue to do so for a long time. Unfortunately, one night stands make me feel dirty (could I sound any more effeminate) and I'm not cruising for a relationship with anyone else for a very long time. I need to get my life in order and have it stable for a while before I get involved with anyone else. I guess that means a lot of nights with the appendage that always wants to get into my pants. So, I guess the point is, I am not going to be "cruising the singles scene" (as my doctor puts it) for a long time. Fucking the pain away doesn't work. Plus just like 9-11 jokes, it's just "too soon".

Drinking

I made a decision. I will let myself be self destructive and self medicate until Monday. After that, it's over. Drinking will be cut back to 1 or 2 days a week and never to be done alone. From Monday on, I will only be drinking with friends or at a good meal. I'm not going to live like a spinster anymore and make sure I have a bottle of wine or a dozen or so beers nightly. I love to drink. I really do. That is why I haven't been able to quit. Sorry Jim Jeffries, but I fucking love the taste. There is nothing better than a nice glass of aged single malt scotch, a cabernet, an old fashioned, a dark complex beer or even a watery, cheap glass of trailer park water (Natural Light). And yes, most of the time I do like the feeling of being drunk, that's why it can be hard to stop after one drink. Don't get me wrong, I can do it, I just mostly choose not to. I do however hate the way I can loose control when I get drunk. Going to the "dark side" is never fun and hearing about it the next day is even worse. It's funny, before the misses (we'll call her Jean from now on... and I am referring to the last one that is) I used to go to the dark side semi-regularly. When we got together it was practically never. I'm afraid that with her gone I may start making visits to the place where Francoise (my dark side alter ego) loves to play. I'm also not a fan of passing out. Yet, when I drink I get tired and sleepy and can clunk out like a narcoleptic.

So from Monday on, I will limit myself to drinking 2 times a week. As time goes on I will probably take that down to once a week. Moral, no more being a lush. It slows me down and takes away my drive.

Smoking

I also want to work on smoking. Over these rough past 3 weeks I have gone from 1 to 2 packs a day. That is fucking disgusting... and ridiculously expensive. Goal 1: On Monday go back down to a pack a day. Goal 2: In time cut it down to maybe 5 cigarettes a day. I can't set a date for that yet as I don't think I am ready for it and don't quite know when I will be. I have actually quit 3 times.

1) For a girl named Deborah Ustanko (I'll use her real name as I think she is pretty far removed from that last name. A week after we broke up she got knocked up and had a shotgun marriage. Luckily I dodged that bullet... Needless to say, she was baby crazy). She hated that I smoked and wanted me to quit. It lasted 3 weeks. It broke when I realized that I was dating a girl that thought the Sylvester Stallone vehicle "Driven" was the best film of the year and quite possibly decade. She also thought Limp Bizkit was a pretty "kick-ass" band with a "shitload" of artistic merit.

2) Fast forward a few years and I met a straight edge Christian girl who didn't believe in sex before marriage (yet blew me in the bathroom at the Palace 23 minutes after we met... You gotta love her Christian convictions) at a Vandals concert. I of course felt this girl was girlfriend material and we quickly started going steady. Being all straight edge and shit she wanted me to quit smoking. Seeing as I was infatuated with the romantic bathroom blow job I felt obliged to comply. My genius solution, start dipping. The relationship lasted exactly 26 days, but I kept up with the Kodiak chaw for a year... and still smoked... sometimes simultaneously. Come to think of it, the BJ probably wasn't worth it.

3) When I sent the heroin addict off to the peace corp (long story, ask me personally if you care... it was the one noble deed I have done) I decided that quitting smoking was a good idea. I guess I was better dealing with pain in that situation. I then got a job at Target (yes it really was that bad, especially because of my supervisor that stayed to close while refusing to wear deodorant). I was miserable. I strongly considered finding a maintenance closet where I could hang myself every single day. So the solution was, after having stopped smoking for 4 months or so to bum one, but just one on break. Soon I was bumming one to have after work. After a while I felt bad about bumming all the time and I bought a pack, but that was just to have one before work, one on break, and one after work. As you can guess within a month I was back up to a pack a day. I was broken by Target.

Art School

I was thinking before about going to CSUN and transferring my credits over there and getting a BA in what would probably be a semester or two. Then I got to thinking, I told Jean that she shouldn't settle for the mediocrity of CSUN and should go to Art Center. So last night I decided "why should I settle for CSUN?" If I do choose to pursue my BA why should I settle for a state school? I should go to the best school for me where I can grow as a film maker. Even if that means it may take longer.

So starting as soon as maybe this afternoon I am going to start setting up tours at several schools.

Art Center in Pasadena - I went on a tour there once but we skipped over the film portion because the tour was for Jean to look at the school, not me. I really loved everything I saw about the school and I put this as my top choice.

Cal Arts - I have heard things that make me think I wouldn't like this school, but I really should give it a fair shot. I am older and can be a little wiser and less judgmental of a place site unseen.

Art Institute - I toured this place once and wasn't impressed at all. It seems like a fucking chain or franchise, but I figure it's been a few years, maybe I'd feel differently today. Maybe it isn't the DeVry of art schools.

USC - I'm not interested in making films like "Titanic" (although I will defend it as a quality film), but maybe it's worth a shot.

NYU - I got in there once with a full scholarship, maybe I can get in again.

AFI - I will only apply there for a Master's. It makes no sense to get a certificate. Part of me does kind of long to follow in Dan's footsteps and go there.

I need to research and look into other schools. Does anyone know any schools with a strong film department? I'm all ears (or eyes).

As for now, my top choice is Art Center and if I remember correctly, I think I have their requirements for a reel already accomplished. I'll be setting up a tour this afternoon.

Summary
1. No whoring
2. Minimize drinking
3. Minimize smoking
4. Get into Art Center or another film school... that is if I don't find a really cool new job first.

Random Side Note:
Pros and Cons Part 1
Pro: I liquidated my engagement ring account and the Chanel clutch account into my emergency fund account and got a decent sized cushion.
Con: I liquidated my engagement ring account and the Chanel clutch account.