Thank You and Fuck You, 2011: Favorite Films, Hated Films and Everything in Between

FAVORITES OF 2011

As always, I present to you a list of films that are my personal favorites of the year. I do not pretend that these are the best films of the year... cuz that would just be a pointless exercise, yo. I don't have any interest in crowning something as best (except, without a doubt, CERTIFIED COPY), because that's pretty gosh darn boring. Being selfish and slightly narcissistic, I care only about what made that mildly retarded three legged hamster work the shit outta that rusty wheel in MY dusty skull, for either pleasure, pain or thought.

These are presented without commentary (except when they're not) as plenty of smart people that are much better writers than I have already written about these. You wanna ask or argue, ask or argue, but there is no damn way I'm writing blurbs about every goddamn 2011 release that I saw. I don't get paid to do this and I would rather use the time to watch other films.

I decided to sack up and order the top 25 this year. I'm not sure why, as that order exists strictly in the exact moment it was typed. Short of the first few, the order would easily be different tomorrow and the next day. Next year, I may hate some of these films.

Finally, to quote Ruskin, "Art is not a matter of taste, but involves the whole man. Whether in making or perceiving a work of art, we bring to bear on it feeling, intellect, morals, knowledge, memory, and every other human capacity, all focused in a flash on a single point. Aesthetic man is a concept as false and dehumanizing as economic man." So, here I am, feel free to judge me.

PS - These are strictly theatrically released films. Sorry, MILDRED PIERCE. You deserve it, but you just don't count in my book.

PPS - I slapped this together quickly. I probably should have proofed it, but here it is in its first form. Sorry.

1. CERTIFIED COPY
2. LOVE EXPOSURE
3. A SEPARATION
4. MELANCHOLIA
5. POETRY
6. DRIVE
7. HOUSE OF PLEASURES
8. LE HAVRE
9. KABOOM
10. MARGARET
11. MYTH OF THE AMERICAN SLEEPOVER
12. TINKER TAILOR SOLDIER SPY
13. ROAD TO NOWHERE
14. UNCLE BOONMEE WHO CAN RECALL HIS PAST LIVES
15. MYSTERIES OF LISBON
16. MEEK'S CUTOFF
17. WARRIOR
18. BEGINNERS
19. EVEN THE RAIN
20. TUESDAY, AFTER CHRISTMAS
21. HUGO
22. A DANGEROUS METHOD
23. THE GUARD
24 & 25 FILM SOCIALISME & TREE OF LIFE

HONORABLE MENTION:

These are in no particular order. Just films that wanted to be in the illustrious top 25, but didn't quite cut it. In a lesser year, most of these films would probably have a chance at making it into my top 25.

PS - I'm aware that a few of the below films blew. What can I say? I enjoyed them in the same way we love our girlfriends and wives... puss-filled warts, relentless guilt trips and all.

NOSTALGIA FOR THE LIGHT
LEAP YEAR
THE INTERRUPTERS
RAPT
MONEYBALL
CITY OF LIFE AND DEATH
WE NEED TO TALK ABOUT KEVIN
SUBMARINE
BLACK POWER MIX TAPE
COLD WEATHER
TERRI
MIDNIGHT IN PARIS
LE QUATTRO VOLTE
SENNA
BILL CUNNINGHAM NEW YORK
THE ARBOR
YOUNG ADULT
L'AMOUR FOU
WEEKEND
HOW I ENDED THIS SUMMER

THE VARIOUS DEGREES OF "MEH":

These are actually in order. I would put the top few in "Honorable Mention," but you gotta stop somewhere... and 20 seemed like as good of a place as any to stop.

CAVE OF FORGOTTEN DREAMS
CARNAGE
13 ASSASSINS
CONTAGION
I SAW THE DEVIL
THE ROBBER
THE HOUSEMAID
MI:4
POTICHE
THE TRIP
SLEEPING BEAUTY
THE DESCENDANTS
ATTACK THE BLOCK

JUST PLAIN SHITTY:

No order necessary. None of these films should exist. None of these films should be seen. Don't say I didn't warn you.

THE FUTURE
CAPTAIN AMERICA
THOR
SUPER 8
BAD TEACHER
X-MEN: FIRST CLASS
FAST FIVE
SHAME
RUBBER
HANNA
PAUL
SUPER
BLACK DEATH
LITTLEROCK
RISE OF THE PLANET OF THE APES
JANE EYRE
WIN WIN
THE GIRL WITH THE DRAGON TATTOO
PAGE ONE: INSIDE THE NEW YORK TIMES
BRIDESMAIDS

HATED:

OK. So I wrote a few words about these as I feel it is my moral obligation to elaborate on why I think these films should be sealed in a vault full of dingo shit and sent to the Earth's core to disintegrate. Yes, yes. Fuck these films indeed. (Note that you will find a couple that are also in my "enjoyed" section. They can be both.) Without further ado, this is my contempt.

BELLFLOWER - Not only incompetent on every level, but a repugnant and offensive vision brought to you by the mind of a ten year old boy that has grown into his misogyny at an early age. Sorry, ten year olds, that was mean of me. This gets the coveted TINY FURNITURE award.
HEARTBEATS - Awwwww a 21 year old can steal wholesale and apply it to vapid and insufferable tits n' twits. Sorry, no awards go out to a kid that had me playing "where I stole this from" from frame one. I lied, some of those torturous 90 minutes were spent planning the ways I would murder the characters. Yes, I hated this film so much I was trying to figure out how to kill fictional people.
MIDNIGHT IN PARIS - Fuuuuuuuuuuuck... this movie was dumb. The worst version of a concept I would have drank faster than a fifth of absinthe. Made for grandma and that kid that loved reading The Cliff's Notes of "The Great Gatsby." Hemingway woulda punched the pandering outta you, Woody. I guess it's nice to know that Woody Allen discovered Wikipedia in his old age, cuz that's about as deep as he went when constructing these embarrassing caricatures of some of my heroes.
I SAW THE DEVIL - Don't try and feed my bloodlust feverishly and kinetically whilst giving me a moralistic cockslap. I'm not gonna let you eat your cake, I'm gonna shove it up your finger wagging rectum, pull out your large intestines and strangle you with them... hypocritical asshole.
CRAZY, STUPID, LOVE - Gosling was a blast, too bad everything else about this varied from confused to an advert for consumerism as self help. I probably should have walked out of this shit heap in the first scene when the family's picture frame falls and the glass cracks... GET IT?!?!?!?!


UNSEEN:

I wasn't able to see these before making this list. Duh. Der. Doy. I'm fairly confident that a few of them would have made the top 25 and some would have made the hated section.

A BRIGHTER SUMMER DAY
MARTHA MARCY MAY MARLENE
TAKE SHELTER
EL SICARIO, ROOM 164
THE SKIN I LIVE IN
INTO THE ABYSS
OF GODS AND MEN
PINA
PUTTY HILL
KINYARWANDA
TYRANNOSAUR
TABLOID
THE ARTIST

FILMS SEEN IN 2011 THAT ARE YET TO BE RELEASED THAT WOULD PROBABLY MAKE AN APPEARANCE IN MY FAVORITE SECTION WHENEVER THEY GET RELEASED:

OSLO, AUGUST 31 - I'll be shocked if this isn't my favorite film of 2012.
THIS IS NOT A FILM - If this doesn't end up in my top 3 of 2012, then 2012 turned out to be a special year.
THE TURIN HORSE - Tarr. Duh.
THE LONELIEST PLANET - I am dying to see this again when I am not suffering from end-of-a-fest exhaustion.

THE GLASS SLIPPER - Can somebody distribute this already?

My Perfect Day and There Was No Drinking!!!

I just came across this ancient blog post. I figured I'd repost it as it illustrates how different I was in some days, and it was also a day in which I was genuinely beside myself with happiness. Every now and then it is nice to revisit memories of people that you desperately loved and at the time desperately loved you. No matter what happened, she will always have a place in my heart. It's nice to know that I'm not entirely unlovable! Anyway, the writing is quite shitty. Also, as there are those goofy graphic illustrations at the end, rest assured that this post was approved prior to posting from the lady friend at the time. So... here it is.


How can I have a perfect day without alcohol? If you asked then you get a shiny star and a cookie. Well, I have given up booze until my birthday and then after that I intend to go on a very controlled drinking regiment. Controlled meaning barely existent. I need to clean up my body and get back to dropping those 15 lbs. So with the no drinking thing I need to make the best out of life (as sad as that may be) and it turns out that I have been able to so far.

The whole day started at a bright and early 10 am (fuck off... that's early for a Saturday). I had a double feature to make out in West LA at my favorite little theater... The Landmark.



Here's a fun side note. From now on you will see tons of photos I will be taking with my little point and shoot digital camera. I decided that I need to focus on my shot composition more so I am just starting to dick around and shoot everything I experience. Mind you a lot of these will suck as I am no photographer (that's what I have awesome DP Dan for) and most people get annoyed waiting for me to shoot everything so a lot of times I have to rush it.

Anyways, back on subject. I grab my little girly out of my bed and we head down there to make the first of our 2 movies for the day "Snow Angels". We get there an accidental hour early (I like to anticipate traffic) and get to wander around everyone's second favorite chain bookstore Barnes & Noble. It is there that I delve into the good old "4 Dummies" books and discover that maybe I should move my shit over to Wordpress. More on that as it breaks.

So finally my great friend (and fellow Betty blogger) Rob decides to stumble into the theater a nice 2.36 mins before the first film of the day starts.

After the flick we had a cool 2 hours to kill before the next one so we headed down to what Rob claims is the best burger in L.A., Apple Pan. I'll toss out the order of the meal so that you can decide.


Fries came out first. Very tasty for being so thick.


Followed by a frosty beverage with a cool but totally impractical cup. I think more of the drink ended up in my lap than in my mouth. Kitsch like that is totally worth it. (P.S. That was Caroline's Root Beer, I thought it looked more interesting than me Diet Coke you will see right...).


...Now!!! The full meal. See the Diet Coke doesn't have the same charm.

So it breaks down like this. You walk into the place and you have to play musical chairs. It is just one huge bar with no one taking names. You gotta fight for your seats. I actually had to threaten to rape an older lady so she would stop eyeballing the seats that I wanted. (Note: I say fight for your seats due to its dramatic impact. It was a fairly simple and cordial process minus making people feel like they better move their asses and get the fuck out of there. Oh and I didn't actually threaten rape, I actually took her behind the dumpster and made her dreams a reality). All in all, it may not have been the best burger in L.A., but without thinking about it too much I can't think of a better burger in the city. Go there for the feeling you are still in the days of yonder and for the food it's damn good, but remember to bring cash as it is cash only.

So it was time to go back to the theater as the time for "Paranoid Park" was nigh. and check out the flick after a brief stop off at the Barnes & Noble to actually buy the Wordpress for Dummies book. Change is imminent... I promise you that.

Paranoid Park time. This is where my lady and I fall away from each other. I was sucked in to the film, at the edge of my seat. She was tucked up in the back of her seat, fast asleep. To each their own.

Afterward, I had the distinct honor of paying 6 bucks for some frozen yogurt at cum rag Perez Hilton's second favorite cream dispensary Pinkberry (his actual favorite is the bathroom of the gift shop on Hollywood 3 blocks East of Highland). I love me some Pinkberry, but feel ridiculously silly going into the place and having to listen to that shit music and spending so much fucking money on yogurt and fruit.

Later that evening food was required (because you know, burgers, fries, ice cream, etc. isn't enough in this country, so it was off to Z Pizza. I will let the story of our meal be told through pictures.


The antipasti came.


I ate some, but didn't wanna fill my tummy before I could have some pizza.


"You better eat every last bite, buster!"


Fear of her finger forced compliance.


"Hip hip hooray!" My Napoli Pizza arrived!


Boo! Droopy slice! "No I will not eat this droopy pizza."


"You better eat that! You are a growing boy!"


AHA! Maybe some pizza candy will help make this pizza better!


It certainly looks better!


"Yay, it is better! Pizza, you are ordered to enter me tummy!"

So ya, dinner was a delight.

Back to the house so that we could watch another movie. What was the choice???? Oh I'll tell you, "The Lives of Others". It turned out to be the perfect film to end the perfect day to.

So as far as it goes, this day can't get any better right? I mean I had awesome food, spent it with me darling lady and one of my closest friends, I saw 3 incredible films for the first time (2 of which were at my favorite theater), and I got to see a Q&A with one of my favorite directors. Well, it did get better. I'll show you how me lady made it grand.


She did a little sucking.


She did a little riding cowgirl style.


Then she magically transformed into a pretzel!


Then just a little doggie to finish it up!

It was then that she curled up in my arms and we fell asleep with "The West Wing".